The anatomy of a toddler – a mechanical wonder

At first glance, a toddler looks like a human being, given a small one, but still a human being. Upon closer inspection this theory may be more farfetched than you would think and I am not talking about little demon horns being hidden under the hair, but actually the internal mechanics.

Let’s start on the top and work our way down as we explore the mechanical wonders of the anatomy of a toddler.

The head:

There we have the already mentioned demon horns hiding under the hair line, which are perfectly retractable and will only appear here and there and often are mistaken for bumps after hitting something. And with the hitting things we already are on to the next marvel of a toddler: Apparent magneticism. Yes, a toddler’s head is a universal magnet to anything hard and preferrably pointy, furniture (tables are especially strong), doors, walls, floors, his/her own feet, trees, cars, people, there is no limit to which materials the head is magically attracted to and will connect without fail.

Staying with the head, the ears are another marvellous piece of technology, which has perfected the art of selective hearing to a “T”, whatever they do not want to hear, they will block out with scary accuracy, whatever they are not supposed to hear they will receive loud and clear.

The mouth also has some amazing skills, as it will detect even the tiniest traces of food they should, but don’t want to eat, it will try every and anything under the earth to see, if it is edible and will revisit the results frequently (I don’t know anymore how often Nico has had his pasta raw…). It also seems as if they are using self-controlling mechanism for their well-being by repeatedly testing their bath water at different stages of the bath to see, if there is anything wrong with it.

And inside the part of the brain that controls attention – I could bet that when looking into it we could find a big buzzing bumblebee at the levers that will coordinate the attention span for certain things (hence the term “bumble boy”).

The torso:

All kinds of things happen in the torso. The most magic one probably is the digestive system, which can be split up into two main areas: The stomach and “the other end”. The stomach is a very complex whirligig that manages to break down any kind of food into funnily shaped blocks (similar to Tetris), which are way more advanced that any of us would ever be able to fathom. There will always, and I repeat ALWAYS be some room left for a cookie or chocolate shaped block, while the broccoli block is so bulky that you have to be lucky to catch some space for it, when it opens up.

On “the other end” we get treated to a wide variety of waste management options, from golf ball over nuggets and mush to soup, it is a fortune cookie of the questionable kind, because you never know what you will find in that diaper when you open it, but versatility is the key word when we talk about this.

The extremities:

Now it is no coincidence that the arms and legs bear the word “extreme” in their ‘category’, because extreme things can happen. Their hands are micro universes of their own, able to reach things and into nooks and crannies that you would think impossible to get to or into, capable of performing intricate and complex things to take something apart that should stay in one piece, but at the same time give them a simple bowl of soup and a spoon and you will be amazed about how creative they can be in getting it anywhere but their mouth.

As for the feet, if it was not too dangerous to send them there (and I think that child services might like to pick a bone with us, too, if we tried), they would be the perfect mine detectors, since they will find ever oh-so-tiny bump in the floor and trip over it (in conjunction with the head’s magnetism and the hands probably busy trying to take something apart or tear it up), finding anything that may be hidden underneath the surface.

The body as a whole:

And one last thing is a matter of the whole magnificent edifice called “the toddler”. Somewhere inside their slight frames and short bodies must be a nigh-magical source of energy that will keep them going and going and going… Pretty much like the Energizer bunny, but without a battery stuck up their…well, you get the idea where it would be. I still maintain my position that if we put toddlers into hamster wheels, we could power half of the city with them (*ring* Hello? – Oh, Child Services, how may I assist you today…? – No, we did not offer our toddler to clear a minefield in Nicaragua… – No, that big wheel we have in the garage is to see, if we can convert it into something different… – Yes, he may have played near… – No, we have not put him in… -  OK, we’ll let you know when we have brought it back to where we bought it).

This concludes our exploration of the anatomy of a toddler and don’t you agree that there is far more to find than you would think? I bet you will never look at a toddler the same way again! And this is another thing I maintain my position on: These walking technological wonders should come with a manual (refer to this: http://crittersandcrayons.com/2011/10/20/the-not-mother-of-the-year-award-why-my-kid-was-kicked-out-of-yoga-today/ for future reference!)!

Disclaimer: No toddler was harmed or thoroughly examined in the preparation of this post. We strongly advise against trying to see inside a toddler, sending them into minefields or putting them into hamster wheels (no matter how green you would want your energy to be)!

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